Hello, and greetings! Brightest burning felicitations to one and all out there in internet land, and welcome back to your cozy, warm, safe space here at your favorite spot for verbose entertainment! Or, more simply, hello and welcome back! We hope that all of you out there are keeping toasty warm and gearing up for the holidays in whichever preferred way you might choose…especially if your ‘thing’ is to go get tattooed! On that note a quick reminder, boils and ghouls, if you’re still looking for gift ideas for those tattoo junkies in your life, you’re in luck! We at Trinity Art Collective have gift certificates available! The best part is that you get a free $25 of value with every $100 spent! I don’t know where any of you might come from, but on my homeworld, that’s called a great deal! Come and get ’em, while they’re hot! Now…on with the freak show.
How do I even begin this one, eh? On the one hand, I want to be nice about it. I understand it’s a big, crazy world we live in, and that world takes a lot of different types of weirdo to make it the place that it is. It would be crushingly boring…pointless, even, to bear a turgid existence in a place that had no variety. On the other hand, I strongly believe there have to exist certain limits or accepted ‘norms’ in critical areas to prevent horrible situations from getting COMPLETELY out of hand…or mouth. Or foot. Or whence ever it might spring forth.
Being a tattoo artist, I have become quite accustomed to the basic idea that I deal, primarily, with adults…at least in a chronological sense. The encapsulated idea of an adult is a many-faceted thing that contains myriad controls, disciplines, responsibilities, and decisions. These factors are parsed and handled by the adult according to the bank of experiences, lessons, advice and intuition developed through living here on Spaceship Earth. Seriously, kids…that’s all it takes to learn how to do adulting. Just be alive, and when you’re awake, turn your brain on when your senses are active. Now, there are exceptions to the rule, but just about any meat sack with a pulse can pay enough attention to pick up on what small things they’re more-or-less expected to accomplish to be considered a not-fail. Yet, here I am…about to rant and rave about people failing to check off the SIMPLEST ITEMS from the checklist of being REMOTELY functional! I know I’m not the only one. There are entire websites devoted to crap such as this. Lock and load.
Do you remember getting your latest tattoo? It’s a funny thing, but more and more often people are forgetting that getting tattooed means they’re going to be in very close contact with another human being…with a full spectrum of sensory input of their own. Often, such confined contact will last for hours, and under the conditions of discomfort can produce sweating and dry mouth. Now, these effects are annoying enough without anything boosting them…but that would make a boring blog, wouldn’t it?
Why, oh why, would anyone with two functioning brain cells not currently engaged in a game of freeze-tag believe that coming to their appointment smelling like a hot sack of garbage that just rolled out of the bin is a good idea? Seriously, people! No shower? Deodorant, maybe? Brush those teeth, perhaps? Or, just for funsies, change out of those nasty-ass sweat-jamas you’ve slept in for three straight days? I really can’t comment on hair grooming…I’ll be damned if I can even tell the difference between what people call hairstyles now and what it looks like when someone just rocks the bed-head with no f#cks given. I can say, though, if I can smell your nasty from ten yards, there’s NO chance you can’t smell it, too. I’m a smoker. I can’t smell much.
If you find yourself saying something like, “I think this guy’s a jerk for saying these mean things…” it’s either because you ARE a douche, or you need one. How in the heck do you expect a tattoo artist to trust you to take proper care of that piece of high precision artwork they spent time, effort, and passion creating for you when you can’t be bothered to throw on a bit of Right Guard when you smell like the underside of a yak’s ball-sack? Ignoring basic principles of hygiene is creating the perfect conditions for the proliferation of very harmful bacteria such as E.Coli and Staphylococcus Aureus, which can result in horrible infections, scarring, and left untreated, even gangrenous infection.
You can love the earth and still take a freaking shower. You can skip your shower IF YOU DON’T REEK. You can’t skip brushing your damn teeth. Come on, y’all. Seriously. They have a special place in hell for people that love to ignore these simple, tiny, accepted social norms of general hygiene…it’s called WalMart.